Sex and Self Care

Twenty-five years ago I had sex the first time with a Leatherman. Prior to our first session, he told me about HIV, STDs and Hepatitis. He delivered his message without moralizing or passing judgment. After three hours, I left his house not only with bleeding nipples and bruised pecs, but also with an understanding of all the risks involved in man to man sex.

Because of the lack of publicly funded programs to properly address Gay men's sexual health, we had to take care of ourselves in the eighties. Like the love that dare not speak its name, many government officials remained silent when it came to health risks and HIV. Indeed, the tactics of public officials were dysfunctional at best. Law enforcement raids and closures of bathhouses did little more than to ostracize most Gay men and, in particular, Leathermen.

Although the tactics of most government funded agencies have changed, our responsibility to disseminate information regarding health and STDs has not. We must take the lead in educating our own, recognizing that Leathermen are sexual by nature. We must be direct without demonizing those men who decide to engage in behavior that differs from our own. Indeed, moralizing sexual behavior always backfires in the Leather Community, as we delight in violating platitudes. Guilt has little use in our world other than as a tool in play.

Because Leathermen are extremely sexual by nature, we must recognize the risks involved in our behavior and assume responsibility for taking care of ourselves. When a man sucks my cock, I know that I am at risk for gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis. And when two men feast on my member, I double that risk. To stop getting blows jobs, to stop having group sex, or to expect myself to be monogamous is tantamount to castration. For this reason, I understand that I must -

1. Know my body. I examine my cock, balls, mouth, and asshole every morning, noting any unusual discharges, lesions, or sensations out of the ordinary, especially when I piss or cum.


2. Contact my doctor immediately regarding anything out of the ordinary.


3. Get vaccinated against Hep A and B. Vaccinations are available at the doctor's office and at most public health clinics. They are often offered free to those who cannot pay.


4. Get HIV testing every 4 – 6 months.


5. Request STD testing from my doctor every 4 – 6 months. It is especially important to be tested for syphilis on a regular basis as it can go undetected. The effects of syphilis are serious, ranging from neurological problems to blindness, especially dangerous in men with HIV. The doctor should also test for gonorrhea in all potential areas of infection. I do not give many blow jobs or get fucked. Even so, I want throat and anal swabs done just in case.


6. Speak honestly with my doctor about my sexual practices. If a Leatherman cannot be honest with his doctor, then I suggest he find the balls to come out as a pervert or to change health care providers. Some doctors are not Gay friendly, never mind Leather friendly. Find someone who you are comfortable with.


7. Make friends with your local STD clinic. Where is it located in case of an emergency? I need to know not only where but what services the clinic offers to my Community. On a recent visit, I was surprised to find that the survey in King County, Washington was virtually useless for transpeople and the people who have sex with them. I must speak up if services do not cater to my Community.


8. Communicate with my your sexual partners. Both insertive and receptive men are responsible for open discussion regarding sex, play, and risks. I grow tired of sensational articles from the media that demonize tops when speaking about HIV transmission. A bottom is not a fucking victim! He is as much responsible for the action as the top. In fact, if a bottom can't claim his asshole, I don't want to fuck him no matter how hot he appears to be.


9. Avoid sex parties and bathhouses IF I have gonorrhea or syphilis. Wait until I am fully treated. Given that I care about the men in my Community, I do not want to spread these STDs to others.

These are the things that I have decided to do to keep myself and my Community healthy. I encourage each man to make his own list as part of his health regimen.

Respect for others begins with respect for self.