boys, service, and LeatherSIRs: Mid-Atlantic LeatherSIR/Leatherboy/Community Bootblack, Baltimore, MD

Assuming the title of Mid-Atlantic LeatherSIR for the second time, Sir John is a conscientious Leatherman who wants to bring out the best in his boys. I see in him qualities that I try to groom in myself: patience, understanding, and a paternal sense of care for those men who wear his collar. A Leatherman who I am honored to call “brother.”

The mark of a LeatherSIR is not measured by contests or judge's remarks. Sir John demonstrated this well in how he treated his boys throughout the weekend. On Sunday, I entered a shared dungeon to hear Sir John comforting his newest boy. I listened as he explained about consensual Leathersex and the realization of each man's fantasies. With a clear and tender tone, he repeated his message until he felt the assurance that his boy understood.

I was also honored over the weekend to have my newest boy by my side. A paradigm of the traditional Leatherboy. Having been a Leatherboy decades ago, I understand what it feels like to wear a Sir's collar, to serve Him, to please Him, to succumb to His power during a scene.

My idea of the model Leatherboy is based on my own experience. Other sirs have their own ideas based on their training, background, and their different localities. Given this, I present a list of a few of the things that I was taught as a Leatherboy and that I value now as a LeatherSIR.

• a boy shows his respect for his Sir through good manners and protocols. he walks slightly behind his Sir out of respect. he opens doors for his Sir. he waits until his Sir is seated before dining together. he carries his Sir's bags. he kneels at his Sir's feet to put on His boots, the ultimate acknowledgment of his Sir's power. And he kneels to take them off. Protocols are only the beginning of a boy's devotion to his Sir.


• a boy is well-mannered with everyone he meets. he is never rude.


• a boy keeps himself well-groomed. This includes trimming away all hair on the torso and pubic area. I remember the first time that I shaved off my pubic hair. My cock looked larger than usual against my navel. A symbolic acknowledgment that I recognized my role as a boy, a man with less experience.


• a boy knows his Sir's body and is attentive to him during sex. he does not need to be told what to do to turn his Sir on. he knows what to do. he learns what his Sir likes and does not like. As a bottom, he craves his Sir deep inside him. Beyond submission, he hungers for sex with his Sir.


• a boy receives his Sir's piss out of service. he becomes proficient in taking his Sir's piss so that not a drop is wasted.


• a boy allows his playful nature to naturally emerge. he understands that this playfulness must never compromise the respect and the service that he gives to the Sir.


• a boy wears his Leather and fetish wear under the direction of the Sir. he never wears more Leather than his Sir. he does not wear Leather that is not given or that is not approved for his use by his Sir. Before every Leather event, he asks, “What would you like me to wear, Sir?”


• a boy treats Leather with respect. he cares for the Leather of his Sir when required. he pays special attention to boots and learns bootcare. Boots are the foundation of Leather.


• In terms of dress, Leather is never worn haphazardly. a boy never wears athletic shoes with his Leather coat. he does not wear underwear unless it is a jock strap. And he tucks in his T-shirt, worn with a black Leather belt. Jeans must fit properly and not be dirty.


• a boy understands that his collar belongs to his Sir. It is not his. The collar is off limits to others. No one must touch his collar. If someone tries to touch a boy's collar, he is to state in a firm but mannerly fashion, “Please do not touch my collar. It belongs to my Sir.”


• In a public dungeon space, a boy carries the toy bag. he is either naked or wears a jock strap and boots. he stands by the space to be used in play with his hands behind his back and bows his head until his Sir is ready. he does not speak to others without permission. And when the scene is over, he remains by his Sir's side.


• When at a Leather event, a boy does not wander off or carry on conversations with others unless he obtains his Sir's permission.


• a boy does not play outside of established protocols. All play with other sirs is done with the express permission of his Sir. his Sir negotiates this play directly with other sirs. he should not actively cruise or seek play other than with his Sir. If he wants to play with others, he asks his Sir's permission privately.


• a boy never speaks negatively about his Sir. All negotiations and issues are done directly with his Sir in private. Violation of this tenet puts the Sir/boy bond at risk and could be grounds for removing the collar. Of course, a boy should always assume responsibility for his own safety and seek help outside of the Sir/boy relationship if there is abuse. If this happens, the bond has already been compromised.


• a boy is always honest with his Sir. Dishonesty and deceit destroy trust and warrant removal of the collar.

As a Sir I have learned the reciprocal responsibilities that I have relative to each of these items.

Ultimately, a Sir is defined by how he treats his boy and a boy is defined by how he treats his Sir. My alpha and I joke that I am Batman to his Robin. Inseparable.

Good luck to Sir John as he serves as Mid-Atlantic LeatherSIR for the second year. And to his new Title Family. Wishing them a great year of service to the Community.

Ritual and the Mid-Atantic Leather Weekend: Washington, D.C.

Early Friday morning I sat on the flight to Washington, D.C. and reflected on the last time that I found myself in the nation's capitol. The days no longer sunny and warm, I prepared myself for the brutal onslaught of the East Coast winter. I would be spending the next three days with the same handsome boy that I met in August. I anticipated a great weekend. Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend did not disappoint.The Centaurs know how to put on a run, with events spaced out to allow for plenty of play. In fact, play was the locus of my three days in DC, with the official events providing needed respite between rounds.

This weekend I once again realized that the SIR/boy paradigm is the root of my Leather. Specifically, that style of play that begins when a boy surrenders both his body and his will to his SIR. Reaching this point usually requires prolonged time spent together, play that exists outside of negotiation, where heart becomes the ruling factor beyond “RACK” and “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” While vitally important in play as guidelines, these principles are but fingers pointing at he moon, as we say in Zen.

In the late 80s and 90s, many of us recognized ritual in our play. Some of us embraced it as an essential part of our spirituality, privatizing the sacred aspect of our Leather. We celebrated that part of our sexuality distinct from our more public SM. Geoffrey Mains openly discussed the ritual nature of Leather in his seminal work, “Urban Aboriginals.” It was one of the first books that I was encouraged to read when I was a Leatherboy. Shortly after, I became obsessed with the works of Mercea Eliade and Joseph Campbell. In tandem with my early study, I met the man who would make the most profound impact on my Leather, Al “D” Sowers.

Al's dungeon area in his home mirrored the present structure of my Leather. Friends had carved the dungeon out of the crawl space over a period of many months in 1992. The greater part of the space was for public play, with the requisite hardware and slings. Then there was the more intimate area, the ritual room. Al reserved this space for himself. It was filled with furs, bones, and First People's artifacts, that part of his heritage that he treasured most. And, at the end of his life, it was also where he slept. The public and the private.

More than ten years ago I bottomed for the last time in this ritual space. A double, nipple piercing scene. My partner stood next to me as I lay face up on the table. The final in a string of scenes over the years where I would be pierced or cut by Al. I had built total faith in him over the years. Al explained the importance of piercing “away from the heart” to reinforce an open energy and encouraged me to enter a meditative state. I felt my breath go in and out and heard him alter his breathing to match the tempo of my own. Suddenly a long breath in and, suspended between breaths, I felt both nipples skewered simultaneously. An exquisite pain that seemed to radiate throughout my entire body and to settle in my navel.

“Your body literally rose off the table,” my partner remarked immediately after the scene. “Different than I thought it would be,” he added. Indeed, we spoke later about the fact that private ritual scens are very different from Leather scenes in Gay porn.

Al's ritual tools were knives, scalpels, and piercing instruments. Mine are boots, masks, and whips. Each SIR has his method of marking the initiate's body. Unlike the feigned acts of most Western fraternal and religious orders, we inflict marks on our boys to encourage them to remember the scene. Every boy I know wears his marks with pride and feels a pang of regret as they fade with time.

Not all scenes are ritual in nature and not all boys open to offering themselves totally to a SIR. Sometimes play is simply fun, hot, sexy, painful, difficult, even ridiculous. But it is the surrendering act that qualifies a boy for my collar. His rite of passage. An entrance into the core of my Leather.

Leather runs can facilitate the essential juxtaposition of the private and the public. On Sunday as I sat next to the boy, I watched a very public ritual, the installation of new officers of a Leather club, the Centaurs. Candles were extinguished and relit as a large audience watched with approval. The public ritual opened the contest, the highlight of the run and another integral part of the Leather Community.

I suggest that public and private rituals both have an equal importance in the Gay Men's Leather Community. They have helped define it over the last quarter century.

Again, thanks to the Centaurs for all their hard work over the MAL weekend. A great run and one that I will attend again in the years ahead sans sash. And a special congratulations to the new Mid-Atlantic Mr. Leather, Doug Pamplin. Have a great year of service!

SIR | object

During this Holiday season I have had little to give the boys in an emotional sense. In spite of Leather Family, friends, and a supportive partner, I have felt alone. I have been focused on how to survive the end of December, a period usually filled with the joy of Yuletide.

My partner observed my struggle this season and admonished me last week to focus on myself. This is challenging when others look to me for mentorship and service in the form of guidance. I have little to give to them. And the boys, concerned about SIR, want to help but there is nothing that they can do. Surviving the first Holiday without my mother has been one of the most painful times of my life.

My struggle to survive has has caused me to think about the question I usually ask SIR contestants in interviews, “What makes you a SIR?” I have yet to hear the answer that I want to hear, a comment pointing to the fact that a SIR is defined by the role he plays in a boy's life. Given that I have offered little to the boys during this Holiday season, I question if I am indeed a SIR.

A SIR should always strong for his boys. A SIR should not vulnerable to depression and despair. Leather textbooks say nothing about those moments when a SIR feels vulnerable to his own emotions. Images do not exist showing SIRs in contemplation and grief. Indeed, the palette of emotions that a SIR should show seems to be limited. A butch man castrated by a fantasy self.

The roles that have historically emerged in our Community are idealized portraits. The praxis of SIR/boy has been modified by fiction, porn, and the fantastical images of visual artists. They exist solely as models, sexual paradigms. Images that fuel our fantasies during masturbation.

As I look in the mirror each morning, I do not actually see myself. Rather, I see a self through the filter of my experience and my desire. An idea that I use as a measure. To see myself honestly and outside of this measure is also an idea, an impossibility. I submit that there is no escape other than to recognize this process, especially in times of crisis. In short, the understanding of myself as SIR must always be approximate.

Recognizing this process is an honest act. An act of integrity and strength. As counsel to boys, I invoke the wise words of a foolish man. “To thine own self be true.”

Predator Sirs

boys! Caution!

Never submit to a man who offers you Meth or X upon meeting up as the first point of negotiation. To play while blunting the brain with these drugs negates the potential power exchange between Sir and boy and castrates what W/we do in the dungeon. More important, it puts the boy in potential physical and emotional peril.

Men who use these chemicals as candy to lure boys are predators in O/our Community and should be avoided.

A Tribute: Baltimore, August 7th

It was an honor to attend a tribute hosted by Mid-Atlantic LeatherSIR John and the Mid-Atlantic title family. In Leather and Love, a tribute to boy xody.

I did not know boy xody personally. I attended to support my title brother. I have great respect for Sir John because of a shared dedication to training boys in the traditions of Leather. Last night to pay homage to xody, he had arranged artwork and quotes of boy xody on tables in the back of the room. As I read this boy's words, I was moved. A great loss to this community.

I listened as Sir Kai bid good-bye to boy xody via telephone. And I listened as his sister thanked the Mid-Atlantic community for befriending her brother.

I reflected on the words of Master Mike Zuhl the day after the contest. "A boy is a rare gift," he said.

Far more than a scene partner, a Leatherboy accepts his SIR as Guide in a journey that will take years. This gradual journey contradicts the culture of immediacy prevalent in the North America, Europe, and many parts of Asia. A journey of self-discovery that defines the life we lead in Leather.

The SIR/boy bond is the paradigm of mentorship in our Tribe. It is the foundation of our play and our relationships. It is one of the primary features of the Gay Leather lifestyle.

In Leather and Love.