Young Man Blues

As a LeatherSIR, I am constantly asked by new boys entering the scene about what to expect in their first Leather encounter with a dominant man. The answer to this question is difficult, as each circumstance varies from man to man, from one situation to the next. Perhaps a better question might be, "What should I NOT expect during my first scene?"

First and foremost, Leather and kink is not porn! And anyone who believes he can learn how to play by watching porn is an idiot. Porn is make-believe, the fodder of masturbation. Porn is not real life. Even online, self-produced porn clips do not show the actual context of the scene. Use porn to get off to, and to fantasize.

SIR Hugh's guidelines for a curious boy's first scene:

1. Do not submit to a new play partner without a face-to-face discussion first. I know too many men who have made online connections to engage in bondage, and then later regreted it. "He tied me up, and put a mask on me. Then he began doing things to me I didn't like. I had to struggle to get out of there." One young man told me that the self-proclaimed "sir" bound him, and then forced fucked him, against his protestations. The rape, for that is what it was, stopped when the young man finally was able to knee the "sir" in the balls. Any top who believes a boy wants to be raped is a predator.
   
   If the potential top does not ask you questions, leave. A good top will always inquire regarding the boy's interests, fetishes, and fantasies. A selfish top will not care about you or what you desire, and will use you as an object. There are other words for selfish tops such as "bastard," "asshole," and, as noted above, "rapist." Play is about the consensual involvement of all parties.
   
   Parties should also share any information about health issues that may affect the play. Know the status of the parties you are playing with, including all STI's. Prior to doing this, educate yourself about playing safe, including the use of condoms, PrEP, and Treatment as Prevention.
2. Always have an out. You must have a safe word or a signal to let the top know that you are not enjoying the scene. This is play. It should be hot, not something you are forced to endure. No merit badge is given for enduring an unpleasant or nonconsensual scene.
3. Do not submit to anyone if you are drunk or severely hampered by substances. If your senses are compromised, you are in no condition to play. Serious injury and death have occurred due to play, and, sadly, a few out there have no qualms about leaving the scene of the crime.
4. Keep play light. Ease into play slowly. For example, if you have never engaged in bondage, you may not want to submit to full mummification. Covering the eyes during bondage, while fun, leaves you completely vulnerable. If you think you would like to try flogging, keep the session shorter and ease into it. Any top who begins at full intensity in a flogging scene is inexperienced. Remember, this is fun, hot, playful. This is not a rite of passage, although it may seem to you at the time.
5. Some practises are more challenging, and are best left for another scene. As a LeatherSIR, I have a fetish for whips, single tails. There is nothing I love more than single-tailing a boy's back, leaving it welted and bloodied. But I avoid such play with new boys. The intensity of the whip can be overwhelming, and I have had tough players nearly faint at the searing slash of a single stroke. Not a beginner's scene.
6. Being into Leather does not necessarily require S/M. If your fetish is Leather and you have never worn it, ask to try on a vest or a piece of Leather clothing. I love dressing up a new boy in Leather, and allowing him to wallow in the soft, restrictive Gear. Sharing Gear, whether it be Leather, rubber, or sports gear, can be very hot. Play is not always about S/M.
7. Tell a trusted friend if you decide to go off to play for your first time. This just makes good sense. You do not have to go into detail about what you are doing. A simple location and possible time of completion are enough, with an arranged check in. "I am going to go with Sir John who lives at 69 Main Street. I could be gone until morning. I will text you when I am back home."
8. Finally, you don't have to like playing. If you do not have fun, perhaps play is best left as fantasy. You can still be part of the scene, wear hot Gear, and enjoy yourself sexually. Give yourself permission to not like play. Never do something that you feel is not fulfilling.

In 2009, I decided to run for the Northwest LeatherSIR title. After decades in the Leather scene, I did not like what I saw. I did  not like to see boys mistreated, and I decided to do something about it through example. In 2010, I won the International LeatherSIR title, and I vowed to myself I would continue to set an example as a caring SIR and MASTER.

As I re-enter the scene following five years as a devoted husband, I am contacted again and again by boys who have been treated poorly by men who claim to be experienced tops. Nothing makes me angrier than to hear how these cowardly men have treated those curious about what we do in play. As boys, be responsible for yourselves and be cautious. Value yourselves and be responsible for the fulfillment of your pleasure.

Don't walk away from your first scene having nothing more than "sweet fuck-all!"