I'm Not a Title Holder Type!

After the excitement of Dore Alley and a few nights of good, sound sleep, I have started to digest the results of last weekend’s contest. International LeatherSIR 2010.

For twenty years I have avoided titles. I felt that I could contribute to my community better if I stayed behind the scenes. I reasoned that I was already a leader in my local community, and I was respected as a Sir. I was a player who mentored others in the Tribe. Why did I need a title?

After undergoing the refiner’s fire of this weekend’s contest, I understand. The process of running for a title pushes one beyond comfortable limits. In particular, the International LeatherSIR/boy/Community Bootblack contest is a crucible in which contestants are put to the test over a period of three days. It is a scene that begins on Thursday and ends on Saturday night.

The first day begins slowly, with closed meetings for contestants, producers, and judges. This year the day ended with a Meet and Greet at Mr. S. Leathers and a subsequent welcome at Chaps II. The second day focused more on the head space of the contestants. Interviews, speeches, and a jock strap portion that should be thought of as an exercise in improvisation more than a pose down. The third and final day turned to actual play, with demonstrations and fantasies.

As I stood beside my brothers on the stage Saturday night, I felt proud to be counted as one of them. Also leaders in their respective regions, I felt kinship for having undergone the weekend journey together. I listened as my name was called out and stood in disbelief for a second. I looked down the row on stage, brothers together. All outstanding men. And I stood still for a moment in disbelief.

“How could I have won?” I thought. “I’m not a titleholder type.”

I reflect over the last two decades and realize that there are many types of men that have held titles. I think of Brian Dawson, the International Mr. Drummer the year I inched my way into the community. I reflect on Woody Bebout, a judge this past weekend. I think of the most recent LeatherSIRs. All very different men who have one thing in common. They served their community well during their title years.

I feel honored to add my name to the list of International Drummers and International LeatherSIRs, a line that goes back to 1979. And I look forward to representing the P/players’ community through service.

Contest Speech

What an amazing journey it has been since coming out into Leather more than twenty years ago! So many people have influenced me over the years but no one more than my friend, my brother, my mentor, Al "D" Sowers.

I recall a day in the mid-nineties. Al and I had wired his boy up to one of his cruel, homemade, electrical devices. And we were cranking away, making his boy dance like an organ grinder's monkey and laughing. Suddenly Al grew quiet and asked me if I ever thought of training a boy.

"Al, I may be a dominant but I am no sir," I replied quickly.

How I wish that Al D was here tonight, sitting in the back, smiling and shaking his head with approval!

Al taught me many things. He taught me that play is more than just a mechanism to a thrill. SM can be a means of transformation, a lens through which I can see myself more clearly.

Every morning in Zen meditation I ask myself, "What am I?" And although there is no defined answer, I offer these words by my friend, author David May:

SM gives me back myself by removing the clutter.

I am a proud member of this Tribe. I am a Leatherman. I am a Sir.