This weekend proved both a pleasure and a challenge for the judging panel of the Gulf Coast LeatherSIR and Leatherboy contest. With five strong contestants, it was difficult to select only two men to represent the region as players in our Community.
As I reflect on the contest, I realize the importance of timing in running for a title. After decades in the Community, my time is now. Not last year, and definitely not twenty years ago. At 55 years old, I am now ready to serve my Community as International LeatherSIR.
After the contest on Saturday night I spoke to one of the boys who was not selected as Leatherboy. “So, at the Meet and Greet you wore a shirt that said 'bootlicker.' Well, I am a Bootman, a BootTop. Show Me now!”
The handsome boy kneeled down in the middle of the Eagle and began working the toe of my boot with his tongue. In response, I applied slight pressure with the heel against his chest. I watched as he continued servicing my boot. It became obvious that this man liked far more than simply licking boots. He pushed his chest back against my boot, suggesting that he wanted more from a boot than just a surface to lick. He was like me, a Bootman.
After this boy finished honoring my boots with his tongue, we spoke. I encouraged him to continue exploring his fetish. And I was happy to learn about the fine SIRs who had already guided him on his dark journey into Leather.
“I expect to see you again,” I said. “There is so much in you, much more than mere licking.”
I thought about a remark made to me in 1990 when I was still a Leatherboy. “When you discover your real power, you'll be dangerous.” I recall feeling somewhat confused. What did this Community Elder mean by that statement?
I remember watching SIR Tony last year as he was sashed International LeatherSIR. “Not a position that I could fill,” I said to myself. Timing is everything.
Congratulations to the new Gulf Coast LeatherSIR and Leatherboy. My profound respect to all those who competed last weekend. It was an honor to have judged you and I know I will see one or two of you again on the contest stage in the years ahead.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
SIR | object
During this Holiday season I have had little to give the boys in an emotional sense. In spite of Leather Family, friends, and a supportive partner, I have felt alone. I have been focused on how to survive the end of December, a period usually filled with the joy of Yuletide.
My partner observed my struggle this season and admonished me last week to focus on myself. This is challenging when others look to me for mentorship and service in the form of guidance. I have little to give to them. And the boys, concerned about SIR, want to help but there is nothing that they can do. Surviving the first Holiday without my mother has been one of the most painful times of my life.
My struggle to survive has has caused me to think about the question I usually ask SIR contestants in interviews, “What makes you a SIR?” I have yet to hear the answer that I want to hear, a comment pointing to the fact that a SIR is defined by the role he plays in a boy's life. Given that I have offered little to the boys during this Holiday season, I question if I am indeed a SIR.
A SIR should always strong for his boys. A SIR should not vulnerable to depression and despair. Leather textbooks say nothing about those moments when a SIR feels vulnerable to his own emotions. Images do not exist showing SIRs in contemplation and grief. Indeed, the palette of emotions that a SIR should show seems to be limited. A butch man castrated by a fantasy self.
The roles that have historically emerged in our Community are idealized portraits. The praxis of SIR/boy has been modified by fiction, porn, and the fantastical images of visual artists. They exist solely as models, sexual paradigms. Images that fuel our fantasies during masturbation.
As I look in the mirror each morning, I do not actually see myself. Rather, I see a self through the filter of my experience and my desire. An idea that I use as a measure. To see myself honestly and outside of this measure is also an idea, an impossibility. I submit that there is no escape other than to recognize this process, especially in times of crisis. In short, the understanding of myself as SIR must always be approximate.
Recognizing this process is an honest act. An act of integrity and strength. As counsel to boys, I invoke the wise words of a foolish man. “To thine own self be true.”
My partner observed my struggle this season and admonished me last week to focus on myself. This is challenging when others look to me for mentorship and service in the form of guidance. I have little to give to them. And the boys, concerned about SIR, want to help but there is nothing that they can do. Surviving the first Holiday without my mother has been one of the most painful times of my life.
My struggle to survive has has caused me to think about the question I usually ask SIR contestants in interviews, “What makes you a SIR?” I have yet to hear the answer that I want to hear, a comment pointing to the fact that a SIR is defined by the role he plays in a boy's life. Given that I have offered little to the boys during this Holiday season, I question if I am indeed a SIR.
A SIR should always strong for his boys. A SIR should not vulnerable to depression and despair. Leather textbooks say nothing about those moments when a SIR feels vulnerable to his own emotions. Images do not exist showing SIRs in contemplation and grief. Indeed, the palette of emotions that a SIR should show seems to be limited. A butch man castrated by a fantasy self.
The roles that have historically emerged in our Community are idealized portraits. The praxis of SIR/boy has been modified by fiction, porn, and the fantastical images of visual artists. They exist solely as models, sexual paradigms. Images that fuel our fantasies during masturbation.
As I look in the mirror each morning, I do not actually see myself. Rather, I see a self through the filter of my experience and my desire. An idea that I use as a measure. To see myself honestly and outside of this measure is also an idea, an impossibility. I submit that there is no escape other than to recognize this process, especially in times of crisis. In short, the understanding of myself as SIR must always be approximate.
Recognizing this process is an honest act. An act of integrity and strength. As counsel to boys, I invoke the wise words of a foolish man. “To thine own self be true.”
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Removing the collar
Last week I removed the collar from one of the boys in my family prior to receiving medical treatment. As I turned the key to the lock and slid it from around his neck, I said, “Remember that the collar is still there, even if the chain is not.”
The collar was simply the outward sign of the bond between us, Sir and boy The remnant of continuing negotiations.
Physical attraction plays an integral role in identifying a potential boy. After acknowledging this attraction through sexual play, I allow the relationship to gestate for a period of months in order to learn what role I might occupy in the boy's life. I allow the relationship to grow naturally. The boy receives a collar when we both understand what role I will have in his life.
Even before a collar, the boy needs to show that he is committed to the Leather Family and to his Mentor. He must understand the boundaries for proper behavior, the protocols that define the relationship between himself and his Sir. And he must understand that this bond is not easily broken. The collar is simply the vestigial manifestation of the familial bond.
As I remind my boys often, “you are extensions of Myself.”
The collar was simply the outward sign of the bond between us, Sir and boy The remnant of continuing negotiations.
Physical attraction plays an integral role in identifying a potential boy. After acknowledging this attraction through sexual play, I allow the relationship to gestate for a period of months in order to learn what role I might occupy in the boy's life. I allow the relationship to grow naturally. The boy receives a collar when we both understand what role I will have in his life.
Even before a collar, the boy needs to show that he is committed to the Leather Family and to his Mentor. He must understand the boundaries for proper behavior, the protocols that define the relationship between himself and his Sir. And he must understand that this bond is not easily broken. The collar is simply the vestigial manifestation of the familial bond.
As I remind my boys often, “you are extensions of Myself.”
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