The Death of Tolerance?

During the recent panel discussion “Is Leather Dead?'” presented by the San Francisco Leathermen's Discussion Group in July, Guy Baldwin described the classic Leather bar as a a nexus of many groups: bikers, fisters, men who practiced S/M, men who wore Leather as fetish, and men who simply enjoyed the pervasive masculinity. Disparate groups interacted together in relative harmony. Men whose shared identity was negation, NOT part of the cultural hegemony in America and the rising Gay mainstream.

Today we gather on social networking sites. Many of us use these sites as a means of screening our future fucks and play partners before Leather runs. Others use social networking to arrange face-to-face gatherings including beer busts and dungeon parties. And still others have developed advanced techniques of cruising that rival the quiet art exercised in the Leather bar, leading to physical encounters and subsequent play.

There are still others who use the Internet as a mask to hide behind. These men shun social spaces and the mannered ritual of cruising. They prefer to use the Internet as a substitute for skill and social ability. These men usually use the anonymity of the web to make immediate connections with other men, claiming to be “Sirs” or “Masters” with a history of experience. Devoid of the checks and balances of actual place, these Web-doms often find it easy to write cruel remarks to submissives on line. Behind the mask of the website, inexperienced men feel emboldened. Sociopaths that take advantage of the curious and the uninitiated.

On the flip side, inexperienced subs often feed like predators on the earnest remarks of experienced Doms. Like the Hungry Ghosts of Buddhist lore, they strive to fill their stomachs in spite of the constriction of their throats, never content. They demand to meet the Dom immediately and usually release a litany of epithets when the experienced Man insists on meeting first to negotiate.

The efficiency of the language used in chatting, texting, and e-mailing adds to the volatility of the virtual place. Ignoring conventions of the spoken word that reinforce polite behavior, messages become direct, clipped, and often harsh. This compounds the need for personal interaction between potential players subsequent to on line cruising.

The cruising ritual of the Leather bar virtually eliminated such rude interactions, demanding politeness either out of fear of immediate retaliation from peers or out of respect for the feelings of others.

Many men of my generation have mourned the passing of San Francisco's Eagle. For me, this bar was more than a historical place of refuge. Its dark recesses facilitated the art of cruising, an art based on discretion and subtle interaction. I mourn the loss of this social art. Cruising is based on nuance and mannered restraint. And the subtlety of such interactions are often missed by the uninitiated, visible only to those who know how to read the signs. Because of this, the Leather bar operated on both esoteric and visible levels. Tolerance enforced by the phenomenon of cruising.

Since my late teens, whenever I am in Venice I have sought out the intimate space inside the Chiesa di San Sebastiano, a church in one of the furthest corners of Dorsoduro. Once inside the coolness of the church, I immediately go to the front of the sanctuary. Standing next to the altar I become part of the drama of Paolo Veronese's masterpiece depicting the martyrdom of the Saint. Glancing up to the farthest corner of the dark space, I become with Saint Sebastian the target of the archers. An essential part of the unfolding drama of his martyrdom.

Tourists inevitably stare as I stand in stillness before Veronese's massive canvas. In spite of the fact that they occupy the same space that I occupy, they are ignorant of the drama that is enfolding. The three painted archers take aim from the far corner of the darkness, pointing their arrows at both Saint Sebastian and myself.

My phenomenon remains hidden to those who are not privy to Veronese's visual interplay. Tourists come and go and I remain standing beside the altar and Saint Sebastian's painted body peppered with arrows.

This is the tolerance of place. The phenomenon of cruising. A tolerance that the Internet cannot replace. The actual space becomes a nexus of phenomena experienced on multiple planes.

The Leather bar as sanctuary.

The Death of Tolerance?

During the recent panel discussion “Is Leather Dead?'” presented by the San Francisco Leathermen's Discussion Group in July, Guy Baldwin described the classic Leather bar as a a nexus of many groups: bikers, fisters, men who practiced S/M, men who wore Leather as fetish, and men who simply enjoyed the pervasive masculinity. Disparate groups interacted together in relative harmony. Men whose shared identity was negation, NOT part of the cultural hegemony in America and in the rising Gay mainstream.

Today we gather on social networking sites. Many of us use these sites as a means of screening our future fucks and play partners before Leather runs. Others have learned how to use social networking to arrange face-to-face gatherings including beer busts and dungeon parties. And still others have developed advanced techniques of cruising that rival the quiet art exercised in the Leather bar, leading to physical encounters and subsequent play.

There are still others who use the Internet as a mask to hide behind. These men shun social spaces and the mannered ritual of cruising. They prefer to use the Internet as a substitute for skill and social ability. These men usually use the anonymity of the web to make immediate connections with other men, claiming to be “Sirs” or “Masters” with a history of experience. Devoid of the checks and balances of actual place, these Web-doms often find it easy to write cruel remarks to submissives online. The cruising ritual of the Leather bar virtually eliminated such rude interactions, demanding politeness either out of fear of immediate retaliation from peers or out of respect for the feelings of others. Behind the mask of the website, inexperienced men feel emboldened. Sociopaths that take advantage of the curious and the uninitiated.

On the flip side, inexperienced submissives often feed like predators on the earnest remarks of experienced Doms. Like the Hungry Ghosts of Buddhist lore, they strive to fill their stomachs in spite of the constriction of their throats, never content. They demand to meet the Dom immediately and usually release a litany of epithets when the experienced Man insists on meeting first to negotiate.

The efficiency of the language used in chatting, texting, and e-mailing adds to the volatility of the virtual place. Ignoring conventions of the spoken word that reinforce polite behavior, messages become direct, clipped, and often harsh. This compounds the need for personal interaction between potential players subsequent to online cruising.

Many men of my generation have mourned the passing of San Francisco's Eagle. For me, this bar was more than a historical place of refuge. Its dark recesses facilitated the art of cruising, an art based on discretion and subtle interaction. I mourn the loss of this social art. Cruising is based on nuance and mannered restraint. And the subtlety of such interactions are often missed by the uninitiated, visible only to those who know how to read the signs. Because of this, the Leather bar operated on both esoteric and visible levels. Tolerance enforced by the phenomenon of cruising.

Since my late teens, whenever I am in Venice I have sought out the intimate space inside the Chiesa di San Sebastiano, a church in one of the furthest corners of Dorsoduro. Once inside the coolness of the church, I immediately go to the front of the sanctuary. Standing next to the altar I become part of the drama of Paolo Veronese's masterpiece depicting the martyrdom of the Saint. Glancing up to the farthest corner of the dark space, I become with Saint Sebastian the target of the archers. An essential part of the unfolding drama of his martyrdom.

Tourists inevitably stare as I stand in stillness before Veronese's massive canvas. In spite of the fact that they occupy the same space that I occupy, they are ignorant of the drama that is enfolding. The three painted archers take aim from the far corner of the darkness, pointing their arrows at both Saint Sebastian and myself.

My phenomenon remains hidden to those who are not privy to Veronese's visual interplay. Tourists come and go and I remain standing beside the altar and Saint Sebastian's painted body peppered with arrows.

This is the tolerance of place. The phenomenon of cruising. A tolerance that the Internet cannot replace. The actual space becomes a nexus of phenomena experienced on multiple planes.

The Leather bar as sanctuary.

Reflections on the Hollow Men

"We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men."

When I fashion a Leather mask, I begin by casting the face. I carefully mold a negative form and from that, I create a positive. Then I stretch the Leather, hammer it, and rub it methodically for hours until a near perfect replica of the visage takes shape. A mask that begs to be worn. Without a person to wear it, the mask is dead, an object without life. Every actor knows this. An essential part of the professional actor's training is learning to interact within its hollow. Acting en masque.

Decades ago, many of our Leather organizations were formed. They were fashioned by men who understood the need to raise funds and awareness for HIV, for service to members of the Community, to defeat right-wing political agendas that threatened to drown us in intolerance. Although the shape of these organizations has remained the same over the years, the skill of those who knew how to animate them seems to be gone. What remains are the shells of organizations, masks of clubs and contests that once served a vibrant purpose.

While a few of these organizations have found revitalization through the efforts of a few selfless individuals, most remain evident but ineffective. They seem to have little direct association with their original purpose. And their affiliation with Leathersex, with play, or with the individuals who make up our current Community seems strained. Many of these organizations have become but facades of broken stones from another time, objects that are the focus of "Old Guard" incantations and fantastical rituals.

Groups that used to facilitate brotherhood now foment politics and drama. And their leaders, once essentially hidden behind the masks of their organizations, now expose themselves. The desire to be seen, greater than the call to serve. For it was service that animated these organizations, not the egos of men whose appetite for accolades and awards compels them to move the mask from the borders of its surface rather than from the inside.

I recently attended a symposium in San Francisco called, "Is Leather Dead?" As a Sir to boys of varying ages I can attest that kink and perversion is alive and well in the lives of the rising generation of Gay men. What seems to be dead are many of our organizations that have no context in the lives of these men. They belong more within the context of a reliquary than a vibrant Community.

So all hail to the "Hollow Men" who claim to lead these organizations. To them, I say -

"A penny for the Old Guy."

Care and Feeding of Your International Titleholder

Hosting an International Titleholder is one of the most important tasks in producing a regional LeatherSIR/boy/Community Bootblack contest. A good host can either make or break the weekend from the Titleholder's standpoint. And a conscientious producer will understand this and assign the task to a person who is reliable.

Last year as one of your International Titleholders, I enjoyed the hospitality of some great hosts. Based on my experience, I would like to suggest four things to local producers that will help your Titleholder feel well-cared for and appreciated during a visit to your region:

1. Clear communication. Usually the International Titleholder will contact you at the beginning of the Title year regarding your regional event. Respond to the e-mail promptly. Let the Titleholder know that you are looking forward to the visit. That way, the Titleholder can take advantage of the best possible fares for a flight to your region. At least one month before the visit, write directly to the Titleholder. Ask if the Titleholder is coming with a partner or Leather Family member. Reconfirm the dates of your contest, and include host family information, local transportation arrangements, the schedule of your weekend, and all tasks expected of the Titleholder. Also include telephone number of the host and the address of the host's home, if the Titleholder is crossing the border. Very important, as customs requires an actual address when entering or leaving a country.


2. A good host home. The host should contact the Titleholder directly at least two weeks prior to the event. If the host has a dog or cat, the host should find out if any allergy exists. And the host should inquire regarding food preferences at that time.
   

   A good host home does not need to be large or luxurious. It should be tidy, clean, and peaceful. And it should have adequate space to allow the Titleholder to spread out luggage.

   The good host should provide breakfast, including coffee or tea. The host should know what meals will be supplied during the weekend in advance. Providing meals and snacks make the Titleholder feel like a valued guest.

   Finally, the host should never expect repayment for services in the form of sex. While hot play does occur on occasion, the host should never pressure the Titleholder to perform. If such an encounter occurs, allow the Titleholder to initiate it. Cruising face to face is still a valued art in our Community.



3. Reliable transportation in your region. A person should be assigned the task of providing transportation to and from the airport. The Titleholder must know who this person is in advance, and where they will meet upon arrival. The telephone number of the person greeting the Titleholder should be provided prior to departure. If the person meeting the Titleholder is late, or if there is a traffic problem en route to the airport, a text should be sent immediately. Making the Titleholder feel well-cared for begins upon arrival.
   

   The person providing general transportation must know the Titleholder's weekend schedule and to make sure that the Titleholder is on time to every planned event. The person should also be ready to transport the Titleholder back to the host home after each event unless the Titleholder has made other arrangements. The Titleholder does not expect the person to be responsible for transportation to and from a trick's home.
   

   In addition, if there is a long interval between events, the Titleholder does not feel stranded. Ask if the Titleholder would like to go somewhere. It is courtesy to offer transportation during these times, too.
   

   Finally, the person providing transportation should insure that the Titleholder arrives at the airport in plenty of time for the return flight. After dropping the Titleholder off, the person should remain on call until the flight actually leaves, checking the cell phone for text messages or incoming calls.



4. Avoid local politics! Never discuss the problems of your region with the Titleholder. The Titleholder is there to serve everyone, not just those people preferred by the producer. Discussions regarding contestants who are favored must also be avoided. Instruct the host, the person providing transportation, and all in your production staff to avoid discussions that could compromise the Titleholder's position as a neutral visitor. If there are any politics or problems that you feel the Titleholder must be aware of, communicate them to the International Board and allow them to communicate your concerns to the Titleholder.

   Politics and the related drama drain the energy of any Title contest or event.

With simple care and feeding while in your region, theTitleholder can provide you with years of lasting friendship and much gratitude.